✿ Confession Of A Broken Heart ✿

1 year, 2 months...

I can forgive, but i can't forget what you've done.

Times goes by. And my scars seem not heal much. I used to be funny. I used to be happy. I used to be laughing and screaming happily. But i think i changed a lot.

Yes I'm hurt! I said i was ok before. But can't you see deep inside my heart its holes inside it. Trying to forget by someone you loved is like trying to remember someone you never met. And it sucks! I want my life back.

Once you've been hurt once, you'll get scared to fall in love again. Because you'll think everyone you love afterwards will hurt you. And believe me. In the end, the people that you trust the most are the ones who are bound to break your heart. I don't trust any guy anymore. They are fucking liar when he said he love you.

And when i'm about to forget, there's a lot of people around me ask me to be patient. 
They say "sabar fatin. sabar. sabar. sabar."
But in the end, is it worth to sabar? Look at me. Is it worth? I am totally messy. I am a dead walking woman. Because of what? Because of you guys tell me to sabar all this while. People ask me why it is hard to me to trust him to give him time. I tell them why is it so hard to keep a promise??

Two hardest thing in my life : to let him go when all you really want is to stay and making him stay when you know he really want to leave. It takes a strong woman to drop everything, go through her phone, send one final text, delete his number, burn the letters and unwanted memories, and say i won't stress, sad, cry, or blame myself anymore and let it go. And i am not that strong.

I'm not going to stress over you anymore. It isn't worth it. I tried to working up on something. I tried really hard to make you come back to me. But you just ignored me. I'm not trying to say i don't want you. Because definitely, absolutely no doubt i do want you. But all i'm saying is i'm done chasing after you. 

I need to stop thinking about you. Because i know you're not thinking about me..

✿ untitled ✿

is it fair when i'm the only one wearing this ring while he doesn't care about me anymore...

is it worth for me to wait when i already know that deep inside his heart i am no longer exist.....

is it possible for him to look at me in the eyes with the same look when he sees me for the first time...

dear Allah.. please guide me.. please.... i am too tired right now... waiting for something that uncertain.. please guide me dear Allah... please...